So today I would like to share a quick experience that happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I hope that it can help at least one of my readers. It is a simple lesson that is taught eloquently in the 12th chapter of Ether by Moroni, where he said “doubt not because you fear not.”
This semester has been an interesting one for me as I have at times felt like I could conquer the world and at others where the world had taken me and shoved me to the ground and kicked me while I was down. It came to the point where a couple of weeks ago the stresses of school and everything else were getting to me and I didn’t know if I could take it anymore. I have always wanted to become a doctor and because of that the classes that I take are by necessity harder than most other classes. It has been frustrating to me as I have studied long hours for a test and put in the effort in order to good and then when performance times comes I don’t do as well as I would like. It has been very frustrating. It even came to the point where I started to ask myself, “can I do this?”. I have at multiple times felt that I am completely alone in the accomplishment of my dreams and that God didn’t care if I succeeded of failed. It came to the point where I even started to wonder if God was really there. After enduring the doubt for a time I decided to ask for help. My plea for help was a small text to my angelic mother which said, “Mom I am tired, I cannot do this anymore.” To which she responded “maybe you should ask for a priesthood blessing”
That weekend I went home and asked my “adopted” older brother for a blessing. Before he came over to give me a blessing my mother asked me “what do you expect from the blessing?” My response was, “I don’t know.” I knew I needed help but my faith was dwindling and I didn’t know what the Lord would care enough to help. When my brother arrived to give me a blessing we sat and talked for a while about everything that was going on. I told him my frustrations of not being able to perform as well as I would like on tests and that I needed to do better if I was ever to make it in to Medical School. He then proceeded to give me a blessing one that could only come from God. In the blessing he began by talking about my desire to become a doctor and that my choice to follow the Savior’s example as a physical healer was a noble and just cause. I don’t ever remember telling him about that. I have always looked at the scriptures and one of the biggest things that has stuck out to me is that Christ healed people both physically and spiritually and I have always wanted to follow in his footsteps. He talked about the Love of God and how much he loved me. He then talked about how there are people on the other side of the vail that are with me constantly praying and doing everything that they can in order to help me. He said, “they are happy when you are happy and cry when you are sad.” The whole time I felt the spirit and knew what he was saying was true but there was always in the back of my mind the questions, how? Why? The spirit was strong throughout the whole blessing. When he finished he sat down and we began to talk again. I we talked about faith and not knowing if something will work out or even knowing the answer to the question why? I wondered why did I feel so strongly to transfer to BYU? Why am I here? I felt like the father in Mark 9 that brings his son to the Savior. Elder Jeffery R. Holland describes the event as follows: On one occasion Jesus came upon a group arguing vehemently with His disciples. When the Savior inquired as to the cause of this contention, the father of an afflicted child stepped forward, saying he had approached Jesus’s disciples for a blessing for his son, but they were not able to provide it. With the boy still gnashing his teeth, foaming from the mouth, and thrashing on the ground in front of them, the father appealed to Jesus with what must have been last-resort desperation in his voice:
“If thou canst do any thing,” he said, “have compassion on us, and help us.
“Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
“And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help
thou mine unbelief.”1
This man’s initial conviction, by his own admission, is limited. But he has an urgent, emphatic desire in behalf of his only child. We are told that is good enough for a beginning. “Even if ye can no more than desire to believe,” Alma declares, “let this desire work in you, even until ye believe.”2 With no other hope remaining, this father asserts what faith he has and pleads with the Savior of the world, “If thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us.”3 I can hardly read those words without weeping. The plural pronoun us is obviously used intentionally. This man is saying, in effect, “Our whole family is pleading. Our struggle never ceases. We are exhausted. Our son falls into the water. He falls into the fire. He is continually in danger, and we are continually afraid. We don’t know where else to turn. Can you help us? We will be grateful for anything—a partial blessing, a glimmer of hope, some small lifting of the burden carried by this boy’s mother every day of her life.” “If thou canst do any thing,” spoken by the father, comes back to him “If thou canst believe,” spoken by the Master. “Straightway,” the scripture says—not slowly nor skeptically nor cynically but “straightway”—the father cries out in his unvarnished parental pain, “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.”
I am in no way comparing myself to this father as far as the severity of his trials but his words were now my words. Lord I believe, help thou mine unbelief. I prayed that the Lord would open my eyes so that I could see his hand in my life because for the moment I was blind. Then for a moment no one spoke, all was quiet, then entered into my mind one line from my patriarchal blessing. It says, “You will be blessed to receive an education worthy of the spirit inside you.” One simple line that entered into my heart with great power and force. My blessing never says anything about my career and I have always wondered why but in this moment I understood. In this moment God was telling my that everything would be okay and everything would work out. I still didn’t know how but I felt peace that things would be okay. A feeling of overwhelming love then entered into my heart and all I could think was “Father you knew, Father you knew” He knew I would be in that very moment doubting, hurting, and confused. He knew that I would wonder if I could ever become a doctor despite the fact that I had received so many spiritual confirmations that that was what I supposed to do. He knew I would feel alone. He knew all along and so he inspired a Patriarch to say that simple line in my patriarchal blessing.
Moroni said, “4 Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.
5 And it came to pass that Ether did prophesy great and marvelous things unto the people, which they did not believe, because they saw them not.
This man’s initial conviction, by his own admission, is limited. But he has an urgent, emphatic desire in behalf of his only child. We are told that is good enough for a beginning. “Even if ye can no more than desire to believe,” Alma declares, “let this desire work in you, even until ye believe.”2 With no other hope remaining, this father asserts what faith he has and pleads with the Savior of the world, “If thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us.”3 I can hardly read those words without weeping. The plural pronoun us is obviously used intentionally. This man is saying, in effect, “Our whole family is pleading. Our struggle never ceases. We are exhausted. Our son falls into the water. He falls into the fire. He is continually in danger, and we are continually afraid. We don’t know where else to turn. Can you help us? We will be grateful for anything—a partial blessing, a glimmer of hope, some small lifting of the burden carried by this boy’s mother every day of her life.” “If thou canst do any thing,” spoken by the father, comes back to him “If thou canst believe,” spoken by the Master. “Straightway,” the scripture says—not slowly nor skeptically nor cynically but “straightway”—the father cries out in his unvarnished parental pain, “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.”
I am in no way comparing myself to this father as far as the severity of his trials but his words were now my words. Lord I believe, help thou mine unbelief. I prayed that the Lord would open my eyes so that I could see his hand in my life because for the moment I was blind. Then for a moment no one spoke, all was quiet, then entered into my mind one line from my patriarchal blessing. It says, “You will be blessed to receive an education worthy of the spirit inside you.” One simple line that entered into my heart with great power and force. My blessing never says anything about my career and I have always wondered why but in this moment I understood. In this moment God was telling my that everything would be okay and everything would work out. I still didn’t know how but I felt peace that things would be okay. A feeling of overwhelming love then entered into my heart and all I could think was “Father you knew, Father you knew” He knew I would be in that very moment doubting, hurting, and confused. He knew that I would wonder if I could ever become a doctor despite the fact that I had received so many spiritual confirmations that that was what I supposed to do. He knew I would feel alone. He knew all along and so he inspired a Patriarch to say that simple line in my patriarchal blessing.
Moroni said, “4 Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.
5 And it came to pass that Ether did prophesy great and marvelous things unto the people, which they did not believe, because they saw them not.
6 And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.
7 For it was by faith that Christ showed himself unto our fathers, after he had risen from the dead; and he showed not himself unto them until after they had faith in him; wherefore, it must needs be that some had faith in him, for he showed himself not unto the world.
8 But because of the faith of men he has shown himself unto the world, and glorified the name of the Father, and prepared a way that thereby others might be partakers of the heavenly gift, that they might hope for those things which they have not seen.
9 Wherefore, ye may also have hope, and be partakers of the gift, if ye will but have faith.
10 Behold it was by faith that they of old were called after the holy order of God.
11 Wherefore, by faith was the law of Moses given. But in the gift of his Son hath God prepared a more excellent way; and it is by faith that it hath been fulfilled.
12 For if there be no faith among the children of men God can do no miracle among them; wherefore, he showed not himself until after their faith.
13 Behold, it was the faith of Alma and Amulek that caused the prison to tumble to the earth.
14 Behold, it was the faith of Nephi and Lehi that wrought the change upon the Lamanites, that they were baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost.
15 Behold, it was the faith of Ammon and his brethren which wrought so great a miracle among the Lamanites.
16 Yea, and even all they who wrought miracles wrought them by faith, even those who were before Christ and also those who were after.
17 And it was by faith that the three disciples obtained a promise that they should not taste of death; and they obtained not the promise until after their faith.
18 And neither at any time hath any wrought miracles until after their faith; wherefore they first believed in the Son of God.
19 And there were many whose faith was so exceedingly strong, even before Christ came, who could not be kept from within the veil, but truly saw with their eyes the things which they had beheld with an eye of faith, and they were glad.
20 And behold, we have seen in this record that one of these was the brother of Jared; for so great was his faith in God, that when God put forth his finger he could not hide it from the sight of the brother of Jared, because of his word which he had spoken unto him, which word he had obtained by faith.
21 And after the brother of Jared had beheld the finger of the Lord, because of the promise which the brother of Jared had obtained by faith, the Lord could not withhold anything from his sight; wherefore he showed him all things, for he could no longer be kept without the veil.
22 And it is by faith that my fathers have obtained the promise that these things should come unto their brethren through the Gentiles; therefore the Lord hath commanded me, yea, even Jesus Christ.”
There will be times in all of our lives where we will will wonder why and how, but in those moments we must doubt not and fear not. The Lord will help us.
7 For it was by faith that Christ showed himself unto our fathers, after he had risen from the dead; and he showed not himself unto them until after they had faith in him; wherefore, it must needs be that some had faith in him, for he showed himself not unto the world.
8 But because of the faith of men he has shown himself unto the world, and glorified the name of the Father, and prepared a way that thereby others might be partakers of the heavenly gift, that they might hope for those things which they have not seen.
9 Wherefore, ye may also have hope, and be partakers of the gift, if ye will but have faith.
10 Behold it was by faith that they of old were called after the holy order of God.
11 Wherefore, by faith was the law of Moses given. But in the gift of his Son hath God prepared a more excellent way; and it is by faith that it hath been fulfilled.
12 For if there be no faith among the children of men God can do no miracle among them; wherefore, he showed not himself until after their faith.
13 Behold, it was the faith of Alma and Amulek that caused the prison to tumble to the earth.
14 Behold, it was the faith of Nephi and Lehi that wrought the change upon the Lamanites, that they were baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost.
15 Behold, it was the faith of Ammon and his brethren which wrought so great a miracle among the Lamanites.
16 Yea, and even all they who wrought miracles wrought them by faith, even those who were before Christ and also those who were after.
17 And it was by faith that the three disciples obtained a promise that they should not taste of death; and they obtained not the promise until after their faith.
18 And neither at any time hath any wrought miracles until after their faith; wherefore they first believed in the Son of God.
19 And there were many whose faith was so exceedingly strong, even before Christ came, who could not be kept from within the veil, but truly saw with their eyes the things which they had beheld with an eye of faith, and they were glad.
20 And behold, we have seen in this record that one of these was the brother of Jared; for so great was his faith in God, that when God put forth his finger he could not hide it from the sight of the brother of Jared, because of his word which he had spoken unto him, which word he had obtained by faith.
21 And after the brother of Jared had beheld the finger of the Lord, because of the promise which the brother of Jared had obtained by faith, the Lord could not withhold anything from his sight; wherefore he showed him all things, for he could no longer be kept without the veil.
22 And it is by faith that my fathers have obtained the promise that these things should come unto their brethren through the Gentiles; therefore the Lord hath commanded me, yea, even Jesus Christ.”
There will be times in all of our lives where we will will wonder why and how, but in those moments we must doubt not and fear not. The Lord will help us.