Drowning

          It's been a while since I've written on here but I feel that I need to share this experience. After what I can only describe as a rough start to one of the hardest years of my life, I decided to take a job as a river guide. I thought that it would give me a much-needed break from work, school, and everything else in my life. As we trained for the upcoming season I learned how to pilot my raft to maneuver through the obstacles that could endanger or harm any of my passengers. One of these

obstacles required us to safely pass under a train trestle. The trestle was the hardest and most dangerous obstacle that the normally calm river offered. There were four slots which water passed through, only two of which were safe enough to pass through with our raft. On a good day, one could pass through with ease. The rafts were standard six-man rafts with the guide placed in the rear elevated on an external frame. The frame allowed for oars to be placed in oarlocks allowing the guide to control them with greater ease. When I say that on a good day a guide could maneuver the raft through the trestle with ease I mean that the water level allowed for a slower moving pace as one passed under as well as the guide wouldn't need to bend over much to avoid hitting their head on the trestle.
          Due to large amounts of snowfalls and rapid increases of temperature the river was running twice as fast and higher than normal for the better part of our training. This caused problems throughout the season and lead to the death of 3 individuals further downriver only weeks prior to my experience on June 13th, 2017. The weekend prior to June 13th had been a rainy one increasing the speed and amount of water moving through the river when we decided to go. Originally, I was going to take a family friend down the river but due to the weather, I determined that it wouldn't be safe to take them. Despite my feelings that I should not go, I needed to get more practice runs in and I decided that I would make a few runs. When I first saw the height and speed of the river I felt another feeling that I should not go and that something would go wrong, but I disregarded this thought as my boss said that he trusted me and the other two guides practicing that day to make it through the trestle safely despite the high waters.
          Our plan as we entered the river was to switch guides throughout the river so that we could practice pulling the oars through the water to slow down the raft to maintain control throughout the

river. I started out and made it through my turn without any problems. I switched off before we were to make our first run underneath the trestle. As we approached the trestle I felt another anxious feeling as if I knew something would not go well. The person guiding made the approach to the trestle correctly, controlling the raft despite the speed of the water. As she approached she lined up the raft in between the two slots which we could safely pass through. It was almost as if she was undetermined which slot she was exactly going to go through. She thought that with two easy strokes she could make it to the second of the two slots but as I watched her row I noticed that she didn't make deep and powerful enough rows to place us in a safe position. Things began to go south fast as the nose of our boat hit the pylon separating the two slots. I and the other guide in the boat moved quickly to push our boat away from the pylon before the water came in but it was too late. Water quickly entered the boat and pushed our boat around the pylon in what is known as tacoing boat. I was on the right side of the boat which was the side furthest from the safest way out of this sticky situation. The other guide that had tried to push our boat off of the pylon got stuck but as I fell on top of him I pushed him out sending him down the river. As my body hit the water I realized the worst possible thing had happened. The boat had folded so fast and so hard that it was now pinching my legs making it impossible for me to get out. The third guide, the one rowing, was in a position that she was safe and could only watch what was unfolding. The boat had tacoed around the pylon in just a way that no one else could get down to assist me, forcing them to watch as well as I struggled.
          Realizing that I needed to pull my legs free, I pulled with all my strength to get out legs free of the boat but they didn't come after the first pull. I heard my boss yell, "you need to pull your legs free" so I pulled harder. Finally, I was able to pull them free losing both of my shoes but at least I was free. Now that my legs were free they were pulled downstream flipping the orientation of my body from once had been my head being further downstream to now my legs but I was still not free. The adjustment of my body had caused another part clothing to get caught. This time it was my life jacket that got caught on the oarlock. I had thought that having my legs stuck was bad but this determined to be worse. Now that my whole body was subjected to will of the river I could only hold on to the metal frame and try to pull myself free. I
          During our prior training runs, I had watched firefighters go through drills to get out of the situation that I was now in. Their drill included the approach to a beam that had been placed in the water that would catch them from moving downstream. They were to use their strength to get over top of the beam leading them to safety. If they couldn't pull themselves over they could easily go under, but in real life, if you went under it would lead to death. I was now in the very same situation. I know that if I couldn't pull myself over the metal frame I would be pulled underwater and I would more than likely drown. I held on to the metal frame trying to pull myself over for what seemed way too long. As I tried one last time to pull myself over the metal frame my arms gave out and I slipped. The water unmercifully pulled me under just as I thought it would. Holding my breath, I knew that if I could not get my lifejacket off it would kill me. The thing that was supposed to save me was now to be the thing that would kill me. I struggled to find the zipper believing that if I could just get this jacket off I would be okay. I finally found it but I struggled to unzip it. My strength was all but gone and I began to panic. I knew that I would not be able to hold my breath much longer but I had to. I finally unzipped the zipper, but I was still not free. There was a final clip that I had to undo but no matter how hard I tried I could not undo the clip.
          The thought passed through my head, "I am not going to be able to get out of this and I am going to die." As I struggled to unclip the clip that held me the thought that I was going to die became more real. Was I ready to die? Time slowed down as I thought of the night before where I had posted an image on Instagram of my family with a caption saying how much I loved them and how proud I was of them. Were these going to be my last words? If it was, I was fine with it. If the last thing my family heard from me was that I loved them I was okay to die. I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm the farthest from perfection, but I have tried my best and If I was to die I was okay.
          Struggling to hold my breath. ready to give up. and beginning to accept that I was going to die I felt a tug on my jacket. The other guide that was still in a boat was trying to pull me out. Weighing 190 lbs. I am not a small individual and with the weight of the water pushing me down the river I have no idea how she pulled me out but she did. She was able to pull me high enough that my head came out of the water and I was able to take a breath. After taking the first breath I saw a rope they dropped down in an attempt to help. I grabbed the rope with my right hand and spun it around securing my unsure grip and pulled with all my strength. The pull had raised my body out of the water enough that I was able to breathe try to get out of the situation I was in.
          "what are you caught on?" my boss looking on asked.
          "my jacket, my jacket" was all I could say.
           How the other guide was able to unhook my jacket I still can't say but I was finally in a position that my freedom was close. Having unclipped the final clip holding me in the life jacket I now had to swim out. I had to let go of what safety I had and submit myself to the will of the river. It was my only option to get to safety. I let go. The river pulled me under the boat popping me out on the other side. Because of the location of the raft, the water had formed a whole circulating the water back to the raft and I was caught in it. I felt the water begin to pull me back to the raft which would submerge me. I swam with all of my might to escape. Once I had escaped, I allowed the river's current to pull me to a point where I could find a rock to grab so that I could climb out of the river. I was now clear of the trestle and safe. Looking back on this experience and I want to try to relate four of lessons and or thoughts that have been going through my head since my experience.
           Lesson number one, listen to the warnings. Prior to me entering the water, I had felt multiple times that I should not go rafting that day, but I suppressed all of those warnings. I had decided to not take my friends which saved their lives if they had been placed in my position but I put myself in a position of danger.
           Lesson number two, our safety is often determined by the difference of two strokes. Just as the other guide failed to make those two final strokes putting us in a position we would safely make it through. We often, in our lives, fail to make those two final strokes which place us in dangerous positions whether spiritual or physical.
           Lesson number three, hold on to whatever strength you have. This lesson is one of the most important. Life is hard. It has a way of beating you to your knees and kicking you while you are down but no matter what life throws at you, hold on. For those that feel like they are drowning in school, work, family problems, depression, anxiety, illness, or any other horrible thing that this world has to offer, hold on. I know what it feels like to be at the point where you question ‘how can I ever be happy again?' I know what it feels like to be kicked in the dirt and beaten while your down. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I promise, there are people who care! I promise, that you are loved! I promise, that you are needed! If you feel like giving up, hold on! Hold on things will work out in the end! I know that there will be times that you will not believe me. To be honest, I don't really believe it myself at times, but please hold on.
           Lesson number four, pull someone else out of the raging water. We live in a society where we upload only our best moments on to social media. I am not saying social media bad but I am saying

that we often don't realize what another individual is going through. Elder Henry B. Eyring said, relating advice he received as a young man, "When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time." If we would be a little kinder, a little more patient, seek out those whose hands hang down a little more we would be able to touch more people's lives saving them from their raging waters. There have been many times in my life where people have done little things that they deem inconsequential but have a profound effect on my life. I had an experience a month or so following my experience on the river. I was training for a marathon and had planned to run 5 miles that day but because of some things I was going through I only ran one. Partway through my run, I couldn't do it anymore so I stopped and said "I can't do this" to myself and continued to walk home. Little did I know that someone heard me. He walked up to me and asked me how I was doing. I told him my problem and he just listened. He didn't have to do stop and talk to me but he did and it made the world of difference. It made me feel like someone cared when I previously thought no one had. It gave me a sense of love.
          In conclusion, I want to leave one final thought. In Matthew chapter 14, Peter has an experience that would shape him and his ministry. Peter having just walked on water, now afraid, begins to sink. Amongst the fear of drowning he cries "Lord, save me." To which the scriptures say, "and immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him." When we are in our times of trouble if we would cry out for help I promise He will always come!