When Homesick Go Home, Go to the Temple.

            This week’s contemplation is one that is very dear to my heat. I have always loved the temple but my love for it has grown over the years.

                  I love to see the temple,
                  I’m going there someday,
                  To feel the Holy Spirit,
                  To listen and to pray,
                  For the temple is a house of God
                  A place of love and beauty
                  I’ll prepare myself while I am young
                  This is my sacred duty.

                  I love to see the temple,
                  I’ll go inside someday,
                  I’ll covenant with the my Father
                  I’ll promise to obey
                  For the temple is a holy place
                  Where we are sealed together
                  As a child I’ve learned this truth
                  A family is forever

            With my Dad being an Architect I learned a lot about temple architecture and the standard it had to be held to. I would like to talk about that for a second. Perfection, is the only word that describes the temple. I can remember my dad coming home from trips and laying out his architectural paper. It would cover the whole table because it was so big. He would sit and he’d redline it. Each redline he’d mark was a part that had to be fixed. Those papers were filled with red lines. When he was in Samoa he was made fun of because he’d go around the temple putting stickers. On every single place that needed to be perfected. The construction workers hadn’t dealt with something like that before. So they didn’t know but there were a ton of stickers. Now since temples have to be perfect. God gives us a way to make it perfect. He will provide. I will use stories from the Samoa temple because I love it so much. Most of them are from what my dad told me and so if I get them a little wrong I’m sorry.

The Lord Will Provide

            On April 2nd 1980 President Spencer W. Kimball announced that the temple in Pago Pago American Samoa would be relocated to Apia Samoa. So that it could better serve the members of the church in Samoa because it would be closer. And on August 5th, 1983 it was dedicated. Nearly 20 year later on the evening of July 9th 2003 the people of Samoa watched as their temple burnt to the ground. I can only imagine what they felt as they watched the house of the lord in flames. The feeling of despair and hopeless that was probably in their hearts. I can only imagine they asked: Why? Why us? Why now? Those questions aren’t answered. “When you face adversity, you will be lead to ask many questions. Some will serve a useful purpose others do not. To ask why does this have to happen to me, why do I have to suffer this now, will lead you into blind allies. It does no good to ask these questions. It reflects opposition to the will of the lord. Rather Ask: What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change?”

            We are all human so we ask those “why” question. I’ll talk a little bit more on that later. When the temple burnt down the first presidency was inspired to rebuild it as fast as possible. So it went on a design build situation. Where the Architects would design and send over the plans and build as they designed the next portion of the temple. My Dad was given the opportunity to do this. He was spending more hours than he normally did because he had to meet deadlines. One of those deadlines was approaching and he hadn’t the assignment finished. He had missed the last deadline and he couldn’t miss this upcoming one again. But he had another situation, his anniversary was coming. He couldn’t miss that. Although my mom said she understood. He didn’t want to miss his role as a father and a husband, but he didn’t want to disappoint the lord and stop progress on his temple. He became so overwhelmed he asked for a priesthood blessing. In the priesthood blessing it didn’t take away what he had to do. It only told him there would be a way. There is a Jewish proverb that I love that best describes this. “I ask not for a lighter burden, but broader shoulders. I ask not for an easier path, but stronger feat. I ask not for a weaker enemy, but a stronger me.” True to his word God provided a way and miracles followed.
            When my Dad went over to Samoa he sent an email home and told us there are miracles happening here every day. One of those I’d like to share. It is a small one but a miracle. I call it the story of the sealant. They needed a can of sealant 4 inches big to connect two pipes together. They looked all over the island and couldn’t find it. It would take three weeks if not longer to have another can sent over. A few days later they received a call from one of the store owners. “I got this can of sealant. Do you need it? I did not order this but it is here.” The lord will provide a way.
            At the same time as this was happening over in Samoa miracles were happening in our own home. We were kicked out of our house as what was to be a “painting job” turned into a Walker home improvement. Where things were fixed and put windows that weren’t there. I was told that every day they would need something on a list and someone would come I have this picture frame, I have this thing. It was the exactly what was needed. Miracles do happen and the lord will provide a way.
            There were also big miracles that happened especially in Samoa. The temple was in a stage where it was still vulnerable to natural disasters, and there was a hurricane headed straight for Apia. One that if struck would completely destroy the temple. As the hurricane came close to the island it made a sudden turn missing the island completely. Miracles do happen and the lord will provide a way.

Our Fires and Hurricanes

            Now no matter hard we try in life fires and hurricanes will come. They will strike without warning, leaving us unprepared standing in the ashes to pick up the pieces. Six years after the rededication of the Samoa temple. Grant and I returned from a priest activity, one of the best ones we had ever had, and a hurricane of a different kind hit. My brothers and I were gathered in our living room and were told something terrible had happened. That our father had passed away because of a heart attack. In that moment I felt hopeless, and helpless. I found myself asking: Why? Why me? Why now? Why does this have to happen? There were good days and bad days that followed. There were a lot of bad but there were some good. One of those bad days I felt like I couldn’t take another step. With the wise counsel of a mother I skipped school the next day and went to the temple to do baptisms. After I had done the baptisms the guy who was helping me asked. What are you doing here aren’t you suppose too be in school? I told him yes I’m supposed to but, I’ve had a hard week and the only place I wanted to be at was the temple. He said, “You know that is the best place where you can be” I went and sat in the chapel because I didn’t want to leave and read from the book of Psalms. “Save me O God, for the waters are come into my soul. I sink in deep mire where there is no standing. I am come into deep waters where the floods overflow me. I am weary of my crying, my throat is dry my eyes fall while they wait for god.” Then I asked like Joseph Smith did in Liberty Jail, “O God, where art thou?” Although I didn’t receive an answer like Joseph Smith did I received peace. My temple visits became more frequent after that. I went every chance I could because at the time it was the only place where I truly felt peace. That peace I wouldn’t realize what it was until another time of my live.
            On August 23rd of last year I boarded a plane headed for Hawaii to go to college. Now what could go wrong in Hawaii?

I could go to the beach whenever I wanted, take a nap on the beach, and longboard on streets I didn’t really know. It was great for the first few days, but then homesickness set in. I realized how alone I was. I was 3,000 miles away from home in a land I did not know. Spending time with people who I thought I knew but I didn’t. I called home one day to my mom and I said “mom I made a mistake, what am I doing here?” she told me “no you didn’t things will be hard at least for this first little while” then she asked me I’ll never forget. “You haven’t been to the temple have you?” It was true I hadn’t. So I waited until that next Tuesday and went to the temple. Every day that week I went to the temple. I realized then what that feeling of peace was. Being 3,000 miles away from home I could go to the temple and I was home. I didn’t feel so alone. I felt like I had other people in my corner fighting for me. Although I probably couldn’t see them, there were angels there. I went to the temple often, as often as I could. Just so I could feel at home. I called home again after some time had passed; I was having a hard time again. My told me another thing that I will never forget. She said “sometimes I think we are sad because we are homesick; now not homesick for our earthly home although we could be for that. There is something inside of us that remembers what we had before this life; Living with a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother that loves us so very much. And we miss that!”
            So I ask, when we are homesick why don’t we go home? God has given a way; he has given us his house. On the front of every temple it says “holiness to the lord, the house of the lord.” So when we are homesick; and when we are feeling down. Go visit home! Even if you are 3,000 miles away from your earthly home you can always visit your heavenly home.
            Now in our times of trouble ask what I can learn, instead of why. I didn’t really didn’t do that because I didn’t want to. But now I can look back and realize a little bit of what I’ve learned. I’ve learned that when we ask “O God, where art thou?” he is there. We just might not recognize him. I know I didn’t’. He was there in a bishop, who after we had received the news, of our fathers passing, was at our house to give us priesthood blessings. He was there in young men’s’ leaders, who gave a word of advice and a word of comfort when we needed it. He was there, in the people who brought us dinners so we didn’t have to think about it. He was there, in the people who smiled and said hello and asked us how we were doing. He was there in friends, who cried alongside with us, who listened when we needed someone to talk to, who put their arms around as and told us everything would be okay. He was there most of all in family. Who going through the same things, found ways to help each other when it felt like we couldn’t even help ourselves. And he was there in unseen angels, who walked beside us and helped us run when we felt like we could only walk. Or helped us stand when all we wanted to do was lie down and give up.
            I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father. For everything he has done for me, for the love he has for me. I am so thankful for a savior, who bleed and died for me that I might return to my heavenly father again. I am thankful for a bishop who has helped me. He is truly called of God. I’m thankful for all of you. I’m thankful for an earthly father, who taught me truth. And still teaches me truth. At his funeral Monte Lowder said something that I feel impressed to say today “Bishop Walker is here” I got a strong feeling of it when I was sitting on the stand. He is here. So is our Heavenly Father, he is always there even when we may ask “O God, where art thou?” He is still there. I’d like to close with the words of one of my favorite hymns.

                  “And when I think that God, His son not sparing,
                  Sent him to die, I scares can take it in,
                  And on the cross he suffered bleed and died,
                  To take away my sins,
                  Then sings my soul, my savior god to thee
                  How great thou art! How great thou art!”

            Two years have now passed since I originally wrote this but my feelings haven’t changed in fact they have grown stronger. For two years I walked amongst the people of the Philippines. The Urdaneta Temple had been announced long before I arrived there but news of when construction would start never came. For the two years I, along with the many other missionaries that were assigned to the mission, we prayed waited and worked as hard as we could to prepare the people for the temple but nothing ever happened. I learned that Satan works hard to prevent the temple from coming. Some of the areas I was assigned that were closest to the site where the temple would come were often the more difficult areas in the whole mission. Satan had taken hold of the hearts of the people and it would take a miracle to prepare the people. God works in mysterious ways. He is in charge and his ways will come to pass. I watched as the members prayed frequently for the temple to come. I watched as they assisted the missionaries in finding and rescuing of many souls. I still don’t know when the temple will come but for now I see that God is preparing the members who they need to be to be worthy of such an important building.
            For two years I was unable to go to the temple. I often found myself thinking of how easy it was to go to the temple when I was in Utah and how I had wished I had spent more time inside its doors. I realized that for those that live close to the temple the sacrifice of attending is different than those who live miles away. For those in the Philippines it was a rare occasion that they got to got to the temple. They would have to save up the money so that they could travel to the temple which for many impoverished members was a large sacrifice. The sacrifice is different here in Utah. We don’t have to save our money to go the sacrifice is one of time. Time that if we are not careful can pass without noticing. One of the first things I wanted to do when I got home was go to the temple so the day after I returned from my mission my mother and I had the opportunity to visit the recently renovated Ogden Temple. I had just returned home from being 7,255 miles away from home and now I got the chance to return to my Father’s home. When I first walked into the celestial room the feeling of peace and warmth filled my heart. I was home. So in times when you are homesick, go home go to the temple.

"Today is a new day. It is a day you have never seen before and a day you'll never see again. Stop telling yourself the "same crap, different day" lie! How many days has that lie stolen from you? Seize the wonder and uniqueness of today! Recognize that throughout this beautiful day, you have an incredible amount of opportunities to move your life in the direction you want it to go.

-Dr. Steve Maraboli

Being thankful

“Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire,

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something

For it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations

Because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge

Because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary

Because it means you’ve made a difference.

It is easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are

also thankful for the setbacks.

GRATITUDE can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles

and they can become your blessings.”

~ Author Unknown

Being Happy Doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

-Unknown

A friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares.

-Henri Nouwen

Our Road to Emmaus

            In the 26th chapter of Alma, Ammon gives his final testimony to his brothers where he says in verse 16 “Now behold, I cannot say the smallest part of which I feel.” That is the way I feel today as I write.
            When the Savior called his 12 apostles he said these words, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you” (John 15:16). That is the same calling that he has given each of us. We have not chosen him but he has chosen us. About halfway through my mission I got an email from mom that said that one of my dear friends had passed away. When she attended the funeral, my friend’s father asked this question to the congregation that he had asked his son every week, “how was your walk with the Savior?” This one question that is so simple, yet so profound, changed my mission. It has changed my life. One of my favorite stories in the bible is the story of two disciples as they walk on the road to Emmaus. Emmaus is a good distance from Jerusalem and as these two men walked they talked of of the Savior’s crucifixion and certainly hopelessness and sorrow filled their hearts. For the scripture says, “their communications [were]…sad” (Luke 24:17). As these two disciples walked to Emmaus a man approached. The man was the Savior, but these two disciples did not know him for “their eyes were holden that they should not know him.” The stranger then spoke unto the two disciples and asked, “What manner of communications are these that ye have one to another, as ye walk, and are sad?”
            To which Cleopus, one of the disciples, turns to the stranger, a man he does not recognize, and says “art thou only a stranger in Jerusalem, and hast not know the things which are come to pass there in these days?” To which the Savior responded, “what things?”

            “And they said unto him, concerning Jesus of Nazareth, which was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people: And how how the chief priests and our rulers delivered him to be condemned to death, and have crucified him. But we trusted that it had been he which should have redeemed Israel: and beside all this, today is the third day since these things were done. Yea and certain women also of our company made us astonished, which were early at the sepulcher; and when they found not his body, they came, saying, that they had seen a vision of angels, which said that he was alive. And certain of them which were with us went to the sepulcher, and found it even so as the women had said; but him they saw not” (Luke 24:19-24).
            Then the master teacher gave this reply, “O fools, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken.” The master then teaches these two men, “ought not Christ to have suffered these things, and to enter into his glory and beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself.” (Luke 24:67-27). The Savior walked with these two disciples to Emmaus and quoted scripture to them that they might believe. “and when they drew nigh unto the village, whither they went: he made as though he would have gone further. But they constrained him, saying, abide with us; for it is toward evening, and the day is far spent. And he went into tarry with them. And it came to pass, as he sat at meat with them, he took bread, and blessed it, and brake, and gave to them. And their eyes were opened, and they knew him; and he vanished out of their sight. And they said one to another, did not our hearts burn within us, while he talked with us by the way, and while he opened to us the scriptures?” Everyone in their life will make a similar trip on the road to Emmaus. The Savior will minister to us in a way in that only he knows how, but at times our eyes too will be blinded that we may not see but he will be there nonetheless. The scripture says that after they realized who the savior was “they rose up the same hour, and returned to Jerusalem” They changed their course and got back on the right path. It is never too late to be on our road to Emmaus and turn back to Jerusalem. To face the Father and follow His Son. We will be called at times to act as the savior and help others on their road to Emmaus.
            As I have walked the streets of the Philippines for two years I was blessed to have angels, and even the Savior, walk by my side. I felt their presence and their strength. The Laminates that the Sons of Mosiah taught, thought of the missionaries that God had sent as “angels sent from God to save them from everlasting everlasting destruction.” We are called to be those angels as we are sent amongst God’s children, not only for two years with a name tag, but for our whole lives. I would like to share a few experiences that I had as I served as one of God’s missionaries in the Philippines. I would like to start with a man I taught while on my mission.
            When we met this man he welcomed us into him home, and as we got to know him, he shared with us many stories from his past. This was a man that was well off before we had met him but had lost most of that wealth due to drinking and gambling. The relationship that he had with his family was breaking and it was almost to the point that they were ready to separate. As we taught him and his family we watched as the spirit worked inside of them and their hearts began to change. One day as we attended the baptism of another one of our investigators, he turned to me and my companion and said “Elders I have realized something. Joseph Smith saw two personages standing above him in the air. I saw two personages as well and they were dressed in white, but they weren’t standing above me in the air they were sitting across from me and they had black name tags on.” While teaching the restoration we taught them that the church has three foundations which are apostles and prophets, priesthood, and revelation and that without the three the church could not stand. He told us, “you know, it’s not much different with the family. You have to have three foundations to make it work.” He said, “you have to have love for yourself, you have to have love for your wife, and you have to have love for your children and if you are missing one it will fall and the family will fail.” He then continued “I would like to add one more to make it more firm; you have to have love for the savior and if our family will have this foundation we will never fail.” This family went to the point of wanting to separate to now being sealed for time and all eternity. I was given the opportunity to act as the Savior and sit with and open the scriptures with them and show how much

the God loves them just as the Savior had done with the two disciples on their road to Emmaus.
            Earlier in my mission we were riding home in a jeepney from a meeting. It was a long ride and I noticed that the person sitting in front of me was crying. I didn’t know why but I felt that needed to do something. I was new in the mission and I struggled speaking the language. I had no idea what to do. I sat in that jeepney for a while trying to figure out what I should do. I tried to pull out a sticky note and write in my best Tagalog anything that could comfort this person, but the jeepney was too bumpy so I couldn’t write anything legible enough to be understood. So sitting there franticly thinking to myself, “what am I going to do? How am I going to help this person?” an impression then came into my mind that said, “pull out a pamphlet and there is something you will find there.” I pulled out a restoration pamphlet and read “you are a child of God. He loves you and knows more than you can comprehend.” I pulled out my pen and underlined those simple lines and handed it to this person. She opened the pamphlet and read the line I had underline and I watched as the sadness in her eyes changed to joy and she said to me “Thank you.” I never saw that person again but for that small moment I saw how the gospel changed her life.
            In my last area things were going a little rough. It came to the point that I was ready to give up. It was coming close to the end of my mission, but because I had asked to be extended, I would not be going home for another month and a half. We had had some difficulties in our area and I said to my companion “I am sick of this! I want to go home now! I can’t do another six weeks. I am tired, I have given my all, I cannot do this!” Boy was I wrong. The next transfer came and miracles began to present themselves. One day we were on exchanges with another missionary companionship. I was working in another area while my companion was working in ours. It came to a point where most of their appointments had fallen through so they chose to go finding. They had no success. At one point in the day my companion said he felt like he should talk to man sitting on the side of the street, so they approached him and introduced themselves. The man was a member but because of some choices he made in his life he became in-active and was now too ashamed to come back to the church. My companion told the man that we would return and that we wanted to share a message with him. The next day we went looking for him, but we did not find him. We found his son instead. We asked him to take us to his father. After following the boy for a while, my companion turned to me and said “lets go find someone else, this is ridiculous, I don’t know where we are going.”
            I replied, “lets just follow him maybe he’ll lead us somewhere.” After a little while longer, the boy stopped and pointed to a house and said “there, go there.” We didn’t find his father that day but we found his aunt. She welcomed us into their home and we began to teach her and her three daughters. As we taught, the spirit filled their house and they invited us to come back. We came back and taught them about Joseph Smith and the restoration. As we taught the first vision the mother stopped us and said “Elders wait a second, I am confused. I am not confused about the things you have taught me – I understand everything – but I am a Catholic. The reason I am confused is that I feel that the Catholic church is not for me. It came to the point that I was so confused that I knelt and prayed to ask God what I should do and a few days later you two showed up.”
            I replied, “Sister it is not a coincidence that we came to your house. God has answered your prayer and he sent us.” She then became very emotional and said “I now know there is a God and he loves me.” 

            As we walk with the Savior on our road to discipleship it may not always easy. There are distractions and temptation on every side. Satan is good at what he does and his best weapon is to get us to forget what our potential is. If he can do that then he has won. But if we continue to have our eyes on the Savior and remember who we are, we will never be lost. I testify that the atonement of Jesus Christ is real. I have seen it in my life, I have been healed by the atonement and I have watched others be healed. As we travel on our road to discipleship we may feel that we are inadequate and that our weakness are to much. At times when we feel like this we need to remember the words of President Hinckley “Many of you think you are failures. You feel you cannot do well, that with all of your effort it is not sufficient. We all worry about our performance. We all wish we could do better. But unfortunately we do not realize, we do not often see the results that come of what we do. You never know how much good you do.” The Savior has promised angels on our left and on our right to bear us up. And He always keeps His word. Whether we are a missionary, whether we are struggling, or whether we feel we are doing okay. I promise that there are angels on our left and on our right and that the Savior himself is with us.

Daily Quote

"Change your thoughts and you change your world."

Norman Vincent Paele

Daily Quote

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit."

Albert Schweitzer

It’s Times Like These That You Need to Know There is a God

            On Wednesday I was sitting in my Microbiology class, the professor had just finished teaching a lecture on genetics and was started to introduce to the topic that we would be discussing in the next lecture, which would be evolution. He then stopped teaching and said “in all reality… when it comes down to it all things testify of God and you need to know that He exists because there will come a time in your lives where you will be in a situation where you will be in a trial that will test you beyond your limits and you need to know that God exists. He then proceeded to tell us of a time in his life where his son was seriously injured in a skateboarding accident and they almost lost him. Through many priesthood blessings and many miracles his son was able to recover. My professor then said something that has had an effect on me in the last week, especially in light of the recent events around the world and in my own life, he said, “It’s times like these that you need to know there is a God because if you don’t you will have nothing left to hope for.”
            In the 91 verse of the 88th section in the Doctrine and Covenants it says, “And all things shall be in commotion; and surely, men’s hearts shall fail them; for fear shall come upon all people.” The times prophesied in this one verse are now. Our hearts and prayers go out to the people in France that have been effected by the recent bombings. Everywhere we look we see signs of natural disasters destroying cities, homes, and claiming lives. We hear or wars and rumors of wars and it is hard not to be scared. Thomas Paine wrote. “these are the times that try men’s souls.” Those few words written in The American Crisis apply to us today, but now we are in the World’s Crisis. The times leading up to the second coming will bring more heartache and fear than we experience today, but there is still hope.
            Elder Russell M. Nelson told of an experience that he had he said, “I was in a small airplane and all of the sudden the engine on the wing caught fire. It exploded and burning oil was poured all over the right side of the airplane and we started to dive toward the earth. We were spinning down our death. Oh, this woman across the aisle, I just was so sorry for her. She was just absolutely uncontrollably hysterical. And I was calm. I was totally calm, even though I knew I was going down to my death. I was ready to meet my Maker. We didn't crash. We didn't die. The spiral dive extinguished the flame. The pilot got control and started the other engine up. We made an emergency landing out in a field. But I thought, through that experience, if you've got faith, you can handle difficulties knowing that with any true perspective that all will be well. In Luke 21, "The Earth shall be in distress, nations with perplexity, the seas and the waves roaring. Men's hearts failing them for fear." What we're seeing is a prediction that in these latter days people will be afraid. Men's hearts are failing, and that includes women, because they forget their identity and their purpose. The heartaches will come. I've lived through the death of a wife in the death of a daughter. I've seen the troubles that divorce brings. Children or grandchildren go astray, disability, illness, injuries. For the individual who is weak in the heart, fearful in the heart, be patient with yourself. Perfection comes not in this life, but in the next life. Don't demand things that are unreasonable, but demand of yourself improvement. As you let the Lord help you through that, He will make the difference. I'm so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that allows me that kind of strength in these tumultuous times.”
            God is in charge. He expects us to trust in that truth and not jump ship when trials enter into our lives. I liked what Elder Nelson said when he said, “Men’s hearts are failing, and that includes women, because they forget their identity and their purpose” One of Satan’s greatest tools is to get us to forget who we are and what we can become and if he gets us to do that he has won.
            I had the opportunity to extend my mission to be able to serve an extra six weeks making my mission a 25-month mission. As time wound down to the last two transfers I got transferred to a new area. If I had not extended it would have been my last transfer, but I was to serve my last two transfers in this area. The area I had been assigned to was one of the smallest in the mission but as zone leaders we were to serve over the largest zone in the mission. When I got to the area there wasn’t much. We only had a couple of investigators and no one else to teach, the zone we were in was having a bit of a hard time. Every week seemed to bring a new challenge. As the transfer continued I found myself so stressed that I began to be frustrated I thought, “I have worked so hard all of my mission and this is how it is going to end” It came to the point that I almost couldn’t take it anymore. It had been a hard long day and my companion and I walked home both of us overwhelmed with the task we had to face and neither of us had answers. There were only a couple of weeks left in the transfer and I began to be wonder if I had made a mistake about extending my mission. I felt that the work I had been sent there to do wasn’t finished but I didn’t know how I could endure anymore. My companion and I finished our daily planning and I couldn’t take it anymore. I took off my white shirt and threw it to the floor and said to my companion “I am done! I am supposed to go home in a week and I am stuck here for another six weeks! I am done!” My companion just laughed said something to the effect of, “things will work out”. I am thankful for him without him I don’t know how I could have made it through that transfer. I didn’t have the attitude or the perspective that I needed to understand that everything would be work out and they did work out! The last transfer of my mission was one of the best transfers that I had on my mission. Sometimes God asks us to do what the psalmist said “Be still, and know that I am God.” While the Prophet Joseph Smith was incarcerated in Liberty Jail he received the following revelation from God
            “If thou art called to pass through tribulation; if thou art in perils among false bretheren; if thou art in perils among robbers; if thou art in perils by land or by sea; If thou art accused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and bretheren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay wit us? O, my father what are the men going to do with you? And if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to prison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like wolves for the blood of the lamb; and if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all of these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The son of man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? Therefore, Hold on….” (D&C 122:5-9)
            God expects us to Hold on, remain faithful and endure to the end. He knows it won’t be easy but it will all work out. God lives!!!!!!!! He loves you more than you can possibly imagine! “The Lord hath comforted his people, and will have mercy upon his afflicted. But Zion said, The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me. Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.” (Isaiah 49:13-16).
            Trust in God, wait upon the Lord, don’t give up and remember “all of these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good…. Therefore, hold on…”

The Power of a Name

          A few months following the death of my father I was had an experience that I am eternally grateful for. It was a beautiful summer night and I had been invited attend a party with my friends. I gladly accepted on the thought that by putting myself in a situation where I would be around people that were happy that I would be happy myself. I needed any glimmer of joy to enter into my life because at the time on the inside I was dying. As the night drew on I faked the smiles but realized that no matter what I did I could not by happy. I had thought that by being around people I loved I would somehow feel that I wasn’t alone, but in reality I felt the most alone that crowded room. We determined that we were going to change locations of the party to someone else’s house which meant that I had the choice to leave or to stay. I returned to my truck and made the decision that I wasn’t going to follow the crowd and leave. instead of going to the different venue I decided that I would drive my truck to the cemetery and visit my father’s headstone, a place I had gone many times searching for solace. I arrived at the cemetery parked my car and proceeded to my father’s headstone the weight of the sorrow I was carrying proving to be almost unbearable. I sat in silence for a few minutes and realized that me venturing to the cemetery would not make me feel any better. So I decided to kneel to pray and plead with God to help me bear this burden that I was now bearing, but no answer came.
          I then prayed that God would inspire one of my friends to call or at least realize that I had not joined them and text asking if I was okay. I was certain that God would answer my prayer and that someone would text, but nothing ever came. I prayed again this time more fervently than before “please send someone to rescue me.” A thought then entered into my mind that I did not expect “ask for help, text Abby Gardiner”. Immediately I thought “ask for help? I can’t do that! I am the one that is supposed to be strong and I can’t let anyone know that I am hurting but I really needed help. I sat at this crossroads for a time and thought I can either be prideful and remain in pain or take a chance and hope that Abby would answer. So I decided to send the text but I didn’t want to give the impression that I was hurting so I sent a text saying “Hey I’m not going to be joining you guys I have something I need to do. have fun”. To which a reply came almost immediately, “where are you?” I couldn’t lie but at the same time I didn’t want to tell Abby where I really was because knowing her she would come and I didn’t want her to see me hurting I was supposed to be stronger than that. After a while, I finally replied that I was at the cemetery. Abby then replied saying “Jackson and I will be there in a few minutes.” True to their word Jackson Hatch and Abby came. They sat with me that night listened as I tried to talk, the tears preventing most of my words from coming out. At one point Jackson said something that I will never forget. He said “I haven’t had many spiritual experiences in my life but I just heard a voice in my head that was not mine… It said, tell Jamer that I love him”. Peace and love immediately filled my soul and I knew that it was my father speaking through Jackson.
          I have pondered many times over those six words spoken by my dear friend. Why couldn’t God or my dad have just told me that themselves. Could it have possibly been my Dad speaking? And if it was why did he use Jamer instead of Jamison? As I have thought about these questions a great deal I have come to a couple of conclusions. One, in that moment I was incapable of feeling their love. I have no doubt that both my Heavenly and Earthly Fathers wanted to tell me how much they loved me, but because I was in so much pain that I had closed myself off to them so they used Jackson. I have since spoke of this with Jackson and he told me that in that moment he felt unqualified to help me but in reality he had helped me in the only way I could be reached. Two, I have since realized that the use of Jamer instead of Jamison made that experience even more meaningful. My parents gave me the nickname of Jamer when I was young and it has grown to be a name that my family and closest friends use. So to make me realize that it was my dad speaking he used Jamer to prove to me that it was really him.
          With that story as a backdrop I wish to write a little about the meaning of a name. Now I realize that I am no expert and the things that I say are my thoughts. I hope that as you read this you will feel God’s love for you, be enlightened, and wish to live a little better. Names are given to us to identify who we are. There may be hundreds of people with the same first name as you but there is only one you. You make your name who it is. Names, depending on the person, can have either a positive or a negative connotation. They can remind of people or things we would like to emulate or perhaps neglect. No matter what our view of a name is and where it comes from we still need to realize that our name came from somewhere. The only people who have the authority to give us a name are God, our parents, and Christ. We are all children of our Heavenly Father and he knows us by name. God knew us before we were born on this earth and to prove it God said to his prophet Jerimiah in Jeremiah 1:5 it says, “Before I formed the in the belly I knew the”. Our parents gave us a name when we entered into this world. Names are given to children for different reasons, some are named after relatives, some are named after songs, some are named after people their parents knew or perhaps just because their parents really loved that name. On my mission my mission, Elder Larry J. EchoHawk told us “those that you teach will never forget you. Some of them will name their children or grandchildren after you. There is no higher honor than naming someone after you.” In the Book of Mormon, it tells of a Father who named his children to help them remember their ancestors it says,
          “For they remembered the words which their father Helaman spake unto them. And these are the words which he spake: Behold, my sons, I desire that ye should remember to keep the commandments of God; and I would that ye should declare unto the people these words. Behold, I have given unto you the names of our first parents who came out of the land of Jerusalem; and this I have done that when you remember your names ye may remember them; and when ye remember them ye may remember their works ye may know how that it is said, and also written, that they were good. Therefore, my sons, I would that ye should do that which is good, that it may be said of you, and also written, even as it has been said and written of them.”
          Nephi and Lehi remembered their names and performed many miracles and did much good. How do we want to be remembered? Do we want our names to be remembered for the good deeds we did or do we want people to remember the things we should have done? It is up to us to decide how we want to be remembered.
          Our names are special and there is power in a name. A group of professionals decided to ask a group of four to eight year olds what the meaning of love was to them. One four-year-old boy replied, “When someone love you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.” I am thankful for the people that say my name just a little different and I know that my name is safe in their mouth and that they truly love me. Do we love as this four year old boy described? Do we keep other people’s names safe in our mouths? Do we live up to our names? I have the honor of being named after my Father. Because I bear his name I try to act as he would. Now I am not my father, I don’t feel that I can measure up to who he was. How can I? How can you be someone that loving, that selfless, that kind? I guess we can only try. I act differently now that father has passed away because I bear his name and have realized the importance of my name, after all I am my father’s son. No matter where our name comes from are we are all the children of our Heavenly Father. That is a title we cannot forget and we have a responsibility to become like him. We are not perfect and he realizes that. It may take an eternity to become like him but we must try nonetheless. When a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is baptized they take upon them the name of Christ and promise to always remember him. By so taking on Christ’s name one is expected to act as Christ would, talk as he would and walk where he walked. Is Christ’s name safe in our mouth? Do we live in a way he would approve to have us use his name? Again, no one is perfect but as we strive to follow Christ’s example we will become more like him and when we shall see him we will have his image engraved upon our countenance.
          I would like to return for the remainder of my writing on the truth that God knows us by name. In Isaiah chapter 43, verses 1 and 2 it says, “Fear not: for I have redeemed the, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passesth through the waters I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee; when thou walketh through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flames upon thee.” God has promised us that he will not abandon us. Trials will come, tempests may rage but the God of the universe will never leave us alone. He will come to our aide. He has a plan for us and loves us more than we can possibly imagine. I would like to end with the following story told by Elder Kevin W. Pearson.
          “Nearly 20 years ago, our fifth son, Benjamin, was born. My wife sensed that something wasn’t right with Benjamin’s eyes. We consulted a close friend and retinal specialist in our ward, who confirmed our concerns and diagnosed Benjamin’s condition as retinal blastoma, a rare form of cancer of the eye. The news was devastating.
          A few weeks later, Benjamin was to have the first of many surgical treatments. Prior to the operation we met with the surgeon and told him that we believed that he would find that Benjamin’s eye would be healed and not need to be removed. Our entire family and many ward members were fasting and praying for our son, and we had great faith that Benjamin would be healed.
          An hour later, the surgeon returned and confirmed that Benjamin’s eye had been destroyed by the tumor cells and that his other eye also had several serious tumors that needed immediate treatment. I was speechless. Completely overcome with grief and disbelief, I walked out of the hospital into the damp San Francisco morning and began to walk, weeping bitterly.
          I had done everything I had been taught to do. We had prayed and received a strong impression to select this doctor. We had fasted and prayed and felt certain that our infant son would be healed through faith and through the power of the priesthood. Yet the Lord had not intervened. Our faith it seems had been no more than vain hope. I began to question everything I had ever believed. As I walked, I felt betrayed and angry. I was overcome with pain.
          I am not proud of the conversation I had with Heavenly Father as I walked and wept that morning. After a time, I got hold of myself emotionally. I remember the words of a children’s Primary song coming into my mind. “Heavenly Father, are you really there? And do you hear and answer every child’s prayer?” Because you clearly haven’t been listening to mine or maybe you just don’t really care about me and my son. (“A Child’s Prayer,” Children’s Songbook, 12.)
          In that moment, a tender mercy came. In my mind and heart, I felt these words: “Kevin, he is my son too.”
          When life gets hard remember these words “Fear not: for I have redeemed the, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.” In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.